


I love the feeling when we lift off

by adarkercolour



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Bathroom Sex, Episode: s10e01 The Gang Beats Boggs, I'll give you three guesses what the lube is, M/M, Mile High Club, Questionable lube, coconut oil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-03-29
Packaged: 2019-12-26 06:42:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18277892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adarkercolour/pseuds/adarkercolour
Summary: "Dennis assumes that the bet with Frank is a sure thing: who's more likely to join the Mile High Club – a young, fit, good-looking guy, or a man whose appearance would suggest he lives under a bridge? Frank’s got more chance of winning the jackpot in the state lottery than he has of winning this bet."I am not sure what happened towards the end of this. 11-hour flights will do that to a person I guess.





	I love the feeling when we lift off

Dennis assumes that the bet with Frank is a sure thing: who's more likely to join the Mile High Club – a young, fit, good-looking guy, or a man whose appearance would suggest he lives under a bridge? Frank’s got more chance of winning the jackpot in the state lottery than he has of winning this bet.

There’s a minor setback after Dennis discovers his first choice of lay is married, however. She’s also seemingly immune to the Dennis Reynolds charm: he'd tried a few of his best lines and received a “Look, creep, I wouldn't have sex with you even if I wasn’t married. I wouldn’t have sex with you if you were the last man on earth! So just fuck off, okay?!”

Her voice got loud enough that a couple people nearby turned round to see what the problem was, so Dennis had decided to bail and return to his seat, giving them his most charming smile as he made his way down the narrow aisle. He’s pretty sure that bitch is a lesbian anyway.

So that leaves the North Dakota Trash. Dennis finds her repulsive but a bet’s a bet and he will not lose to Frank of all people. He manages to get NDT to agree to go the luggage hold with him and has been doing well at getting her primed for a mid-flight bang. It isn’t particularly difficult, the woman is a 4 at best and with Dennis being a solid 8 (a 9 on a very good hair day), she’s clearly enamored with him. He doesn’t even have to hide his clear disgust when she tries to kiss him. She looks _sticky_ for Christ’s sake, what’s he supposed to do?

There’s not a lot of suitable places for having sex, so NDT starts checking piles of luggage for adequate structural integrity until she finds one which looks okay and gets settled on it. Dennis tries not to look at her too much. He doesn't want to lose his erection.

He’s just sliding into home when there’s a loud crash from the opposite end of the hold, and NDT screams right in his ear.

“Jesus Christ!” Dennis shouts, and pulls back in shock, ear drum ringing in complaint.

“What are you doing you fucking pervert?!” NDT exclaims, jumping down from the stack of cases and pulling her jeans up, as if she has any modesty to cover.

Dennis turns to whoever NDT is yelling at, putting his dick back into his pants.

“Mac? What the fuck are you doing?” Dennis asks, confused.

“Heyyy Dennis,” Mac says sheepishly. Dennis notices his hands are at his belt, slotting the end through the loops of his trousers. “Sorry man, I knocked a case over. I just came to get some more beers, we've been cut off.”

“Bullshit!” Dennis whips round to look at the North Dakota Trash. Her face is distorted in anger. “That is bullshit! He was spying on us!”

Mac frowns and jerks back as if he's been scalded, clearly affronted by the suggestion.

“He was jerking off!” NDT cries, “He had his hand in his pants!” Mac’s mouth is open in disbelief and his eyes are getting progressively wider with each accusation. “He was leching at me!”

Mac seems to find his voice and yells back “You're full of shit, lady! I wasn’t leching at you! Why would I lech at _you_?! Why are you lying? Who even _are_ you?!” His voice has risen approximately eight octaves within five sentences and Dennis is worried about alerting the cabin crew to their clandestine visit to the hold. He raises his hands in a ‘simmer down, let's talk about this' gesture.

“Shh, both of you,” he says in a voice which is quiet, but still has a tone that suggests everyone should listen to him unless they want shit to go down. “Mac, get the beers and fuck off back upstairs. Crystal –“

“It’s Pearl.”

Dennis shakes his head in frustration. “Whatever. Let’s get upstairs before we end up getting kicked off this flight in North Dakota, nothing good can come of going there.”

Pearl heads back to the cabin first, and Dennis waits at the foot of the stairs as Mac picks up the beers he’d gone down for originally. “See, I _was_ getting beers, Den,” Mac says smugly, holding the six pack slightly higher, like he thinks Dennis might not see them otherwise.

“Yeah Mac, I get you,” Dennis says, patting his friend on the back as he begins to climb the steps. Dennis makes a last cursory scan of the hold to make sure they've not forgotten anything.  “Your fly's open by the way.”

.................................. 

Back on the flight deck, Dennis finds Frank sat in the seat next to his, and he seems excited in that horrible way that Dennis knows means someone is about to suffer, usually him. “Dennis! You won't believe!” he says, grinning. His little arms are gesticulating wildly, and looking at him now, Dennis can’t believe he ever once thought they were related.

“What, Frank, what?” he says impatiently. “What won’t I believe?”

“ _I_ have found a bachelorette party on board, and they’re a one-way ticket to Pound Town! I’ll be joining the Air Sex Society before you can say ‘what’s that noise coming from the bathrooms'. Yeah, I'm gonna be gettin' lucky _real_ soon.” He rubs his hands together gleefully.

“Shut up, Frank” Dennis snaps, “for the fiftieth time it’s called the Mile High Club, and there is no bachelorette party on this flight so stop making shit up.”

“Au contraire, _Dennis_ ,” Frank retorts happily. “There’s a party of three in row 15, if you cast your eye over in that direction.”

Dennis' gaze follows Frank’s finger and falls upon some women who make Bonnie Kelly look like Dita Von Teese. All three are turning round to look at Frank, giggling coquettishly, and when Frank waggles his fingers at them in acknowledgement Dennis is fairly certain one of them waves back with a hand that's still clutching her knitting.

Dennis’ face screws up in disgust. “My God Frank, I know you don’t get a lot of interest and that your standards are notoriously low, but they are just...they’re so old! Why are they having a bachelorette party of all things?! Surely one of _them_ isn't getting married?”

“Sure are, Betty on the end there. She wants one last fling,” Frank says happily.

“Before what? Before she dies!? Because by the look of her, I don’t think that's gonna be too far in the future!”

“I better get going then, eh?” Frank is unfazed by Dennis' comments. Dennis supposes this is the outcome of associating with people who have no shame, and he watches in horror as Betty suddenly flashes Frank, lifting her jumper to reveal massive tits in a graying bra that looks like it could double as a hammock; and all three women erupt into loud, cackling laughter.

Dennis closes his eyes and shudders. “This is getting ridiculous Frank. Anyway,” he says coolly, “there’s no need to fuck that old lady. I already had sex in the hold with the woman with the gecko tattoos, so I win.”

“No you didn't,” an indignant voice pipes up from the seat in front of them and Pearl turns round and leans over her seat. Dennis had forgotten she was sat so close by. “You didn’t even get your dick wet.”

“Oh _very_ nice,” Dennis glowers at her. “Real class act aren’t you, Crystal.”

“It’s Pearl!” Pearl shrieks.

“I honestly could care less, okay? Now will you kindly mind your own business and fuck off please?” Dennis says, waving his hand at her dismissively. _Fucking stupid woman. She_ wishes _she could have sex with someone in my league! Couldn't just keep her mouth shut could she. Jesus. Frank’s odds are looking better by the minute..._

Frank is grinning at Dennis expectantly. Dennis is thinking. He needs a plan.

“Hmm I think I might win this one, Dennis! That’s got to be embarrassing for you..” Frank feigns pity, shaking his head sadly as he makes his way back towards Betty, and Dennis could happily launch him out of the window, even if it meant taking out everyone else on this God forsaken plane, including him.

_I can’t lose this bet. I need to find someone on this plane to fuck, and fast._

He starts scanning the seats nearby.

_Too old, too gay, too young, too fat, too ugly, too asleep..._

His eyes eventually fall on Mac, who’s arguing with Dee over whether or not a beer counts towards her tally considering she spilled the majority of it.

“It totally, like, counts Mac, I drank most! Of the thing!” Dee's slurring at him. “This Boss Hogg challenge is fuckin _stupid_ anyway!”

“No! No! It’s Wade Boggs and it’s not stupid God damn you! You don’t get to disrespect the challenge just because you suck at it!” Mac replies angrily. “And you didn't drink most of it because it's all over your crotch! You look like you've pissed yourself, you bitch!”

Dennis glances over to see Frank groping Betty's ample boobs and decides desperate times call for desperate measures. He reaches into his bag and pulls out a tub of coconut oil. This is his secret weapon when he needs an extra boost for his hair. Totally takes him up to a 9. And it can be used as lube too. It really is multi-purpose.

“Mac" Dennis says, interrupting the fight between his best friend and his sister.  “Can I talk to you a minute?” He nods his head towards the back of the plane, where there's a bit more space and privacy.

“Is this about the challenge Dennis, coz I told you _she_ ,” he spits the word out like it’s poison, “Would ruin it! She's a liability and I honestly don't know why we even hang around with her.” Mac gives Dee the dirtiest look he can muster and she responds by sticking her tongue out at him.

“It's not about the challenge, or Dee. Now are you coming with me or not?” Dennis starts to walk up the aisle and sure enough he hears Mac following him.

Dennis stops outside the bathroom and Mac looks at him, eyebrows raised. It’s tight for space and they're stood inches apart. Dennis hands Mac the coconut oil.

“What's this?” he asks, studying the label. “Coconut oil? Wha-"

“I need you to do me a favor" Dennis interrupts, his mouth close to Mac's ear and his voice quiet. “I need you to go in the bathroom and prep yourself with that.” Dennis has to be careful how he broaches the subject of him and Mac fooling around. Even though it happens semi-regularly, and has been happening more and more lately, Mac can sometimes react badly, depending on how ‘Catholic’ he's feeling that day. He normally responds best to direct instructions however, so Dennis doesn't pussyfoot around. And they don't talk about it. That's golden rule number 1 of fucking Mac McDonald. Do not mention it unless you're doing it, or just about to do it.

Mac steps back and looks at Dennis in confusion. “Huh?”

Dennis reaches out and grabs Mac’s wrist, leaning forward to hiss at him, “Prep yourself coz I’m going to bang you in the bathroom. We’re gonna join the Mile High Club.”

“What's the Mile High Club?” Mac whispers back.

“People who've had sex on a plane?” Dennis says. Why is everyone he knows so fucking stupid?

“Oh, you mean the Air Sex Society? Did you know Frank, like, invented that? He was telling me about it before-"

“No! Jesus Christ. The Air Sex... actually, no. You know what? I don't care. Yes, Mac, the Air Sex Society that Frank invented. We need to fuck in the bathroom so we can beat Frank to joining it” Dennis says, hoping Mac won’t ask why Frank isn’t a member of his own club.

“Uhh,” Mac says.

“Just do it, okay?” Dennis says impatiently. “Get ready and when you're properly stretched out, come find me okay?” When Mac looks at him worriedly, he adds, “I'll make it up to you, I promise.” Dennis isn't entirely sure what Mac will want, he _assumes_ Mac will get wasted and ask if he can eat Dennis’ ass. It seems to be a bit of a recurring theme lately, and Dennis keeps refusing. Sticking his dick in Mac is one thing, letting the guy rim him is something completely different. It's too intimate. Eh, he can deal with that later.

“Okay,” Mac says, looking at the tub of oil.

“Good boy,” Dennis grins with a squeeze of Mac’s wrist. Dennis returns to his seat and starts flicking idly through the in-flight magazine. Frank is still down the opposite end of the plane with Betty and her friends, but it’s easy for him to ignore now.

Several minutes pass and Dennis is just starting to get annoyed that Mac’s taking so long when he flops down heavily in the seat next to him and says, “Okay, I’m ready". He doesn’t look at Dennis but stares straight ahead. His cheeks are pink and his breathing is slightly quicker than normal.

“Okay buddy, well I’m gonna go to the bathroom. You're going to count to 200 and then follow me. Knock on the door three times and I'll let you in, yeah?”

Mac nods stiffly.

“Great. I’m gonna need you to let me past first though.”

Mac stands and waits in the aisle, still avoiding any eye contact. Dennis slaps him lightly on the ass as he passes, and says “200. Not too fast.”

Mac makes a noise of acknowledgement and sits back down while Dennis makes his way to the tiny toilet. Once inside, he puts the lid down and sits on it, opening his jeans and taking his semi-hard cock in his hand, jerking it a few times while watching himself in the mirror above the sink which takes up the majority of the wall to his left.

There are two hard knocks at the door. Dennis tenses up, and says “Occupied!”, hoping whoever it is will go away.

“Dennis! It’s Mac!” comes the returning voice and Dennis sighs. How hard is it to remember ‘three knocks’? He leans forward to unlock the door and Mac bustles in, hesitating for a split second when he sees Dennis' cock, before locking the door. Dennis is sat as far back on the toilet as he can and Mac stands in front of him, eyeing the sink area. “It's not very clean in here is it,” he notes.

“It’s an airplane bathroom Mac, not an operating theater,” Dennis replies, rolling his eyes. He’s still stroking his dick slowly. “You gonna turn round for me?”

“Do you want me to suck you off a bit first? I don't mind,” Mac says hurriedly, like saying it fast means he's not saying it at all.

Dennis smirks, “I know you wouldn't mind, you love having my cock in your mouth.” Mac winces. “Not today though dude, we have to be quick. I like your enthusiasm though.” Dennis starts undoing Mac’s belt, and he can see he's already hard. He makes short work of Mac’s pants and traces the outline of his dick through his shorts, making his hips jerk a little in response.

“Okay, turn round and get your pants down a bit" Dennis says. Mac complies without hesitation, carefully negotiating the tiny floor space, and gripping the door handle for support.  He’s always quite agreeable when he's about to get banged, and Dennis wishes he could find a way to make him like that all the time. It would make life a lot easier. “Push on that handle and then no one can get in from outside even if they unlock it.” Mac nods and glances at himself in the mirror. Dennis isn't sure how Mac will cope with watching himself get fucked. Might be a bit too real. Oh well.

“You ready? Or need more prep?” Dennis asks, running his hands from Mac’s hips over his ass.

“’M okay I think...” Mac replies, and tightens his grip round the door handle.

“Excellent, come on then.” Dennis reclines so his hips are nearer the front of the seat but his back is against the wall, so Mac has good access to his cock. Dennis puts his hands on either side of where he's sat, recoiling when his right lands in something wet, so he wraps one round the grab bar and rests the other on Mac’s hip instead. If he tilts his chin down he can see Mac’s hand lining him up to guide him inside, and he can feel the head of his dick against the slick warmth of Mac’s asshole.

“I smell like sunscreen,” Mac complains as he starts to lower himself slowly onto Dennis' erection.

Dennis rests his head against the wall behind him as he feels Mac slide down his shaft at an agonizing pace, the constriction almost too much.

“Ngh" Dennis says, and then he's all the way in and Mac’s basically sat in his lap. “I like it, reminds me of beach vacations,” he adds, kind of breathlessly. Mac doesn't say anything and when Dennis looks at him in the mirror, he has his eyes screwed shut and his brows furrowed like he might be in pain, and the hand that’s not gripping the door handle is clamped over his open mouth.

“You okay bro?” Dennis whispers, stroking Mac’s hip in a way he hopes is soothing coz they need to get this show on the road. Mac’s reflection nods quickly, and then he’s removing his hand from his mouth and placing it on top of Dennis' on the grab bar and beginning to slide back up Dennis' cock until he gets to the ridge at the head. He lets it stretch him out a bit more and shivers so hard from the sensation that Dennis can feel it.

Dennis watches as Mac moves up and down, enjoying seeing his cock disappear into the solid pressure and heat of Mac's body. The pace is slow and Dennis likes it like this, knows Mac likes it like this even more, because he told him once when they were wasted and fucking in the office at Paddy's after closing. He said he could feel the curve of Dennis' cock, and that if he angled himself just right he could get it to touch a part of him that made him feel like he was going crazy. Dennis knew he was talking about his prostate, but Mac didn't always have the right words for what he wanted to say and it didn't really matter anyway. They'd fucked slow that night, and Mac had come without being touched, just the steady friction of Dennis laying into him enough to push him over the edge.

But it’s only a matter of time before someone needs to use the bathroom or one of the rest of the gang notices they're gone and comes looking for them, so they can't delay. Dennis removes his hand from under Mac’s on the grab bar, and grips his hips in both hands instead, guiding him to move at a faster pace.

“That’s it,” Dennis whispers, voice hoarse and breath uneven, “Fuck yourself on my cock.” Mac whimpers a little bit in response and carries on increasing the speed at which he's bouncing in Dennis' lap. Dennis looks at the Mac and Dennis in the mirror. Mac’s head is bowed and his mouth agape, his eyes fixed on the floor where his feet are planted either side of Dennis'. Dennis reaches out with his left hand and grabs Mac’s chin, pulling his head round so he's looking in the glass at himself. His eyebrows knit together in confusion and his rhythm on Dennis' prick falters slightly. Mirror Mac's eyes meet Dennis', and there's something there that looks like hurt, but then Mac jerks his face away from Dennis’ grasp, and starts grinding his hips when Dennis is all the way inside him. Dennis groans and thinks that when they get home he's going to bang Mac in front of a mirror and make him watch himself taking it. It's about time he came to terms with the fact he likes getting dicked.

Mac is panting pretty heavily, and he's started making these tiny noises which Dennis knows is just a precursor to him getting real loud. Dennis decides to be proactive and presses his hand over Mac’s mouth. He places the other on Mac's shoulder, and using his hips, pushes Mac forward so that when Dennis sits down fully, he's only about a quarter way inside Mac's ass.

Mac stills, they've done this enough that he has an indication of what's coming and as expected, Dennis starts fucking him hard and fast. Den’s hip bones are sharp and almost painful against his ass, but he hardly registers it over the sensation of Dennis driving into him.

Dennis glances in the mirror at himself - he's getting pretty red in the face, which he always does when he's banging someone. Mac hasn't noticed however, his eyes are closed again and he can't breathe through his mouth with Dennis’ hand closed around it, muffling the quiet moans he's making. When Dennis moves his fingers he can see pink marks under each one where they've been pressing into Mac’s cheek. His grip tightens and he moves his other hand from Mac’s shoulder to his throat. Mac moans a bit louder as Dennis adds pressure to his windpipe – he’s feeling dizzy, from the air pressure or the lack of oxygen or the overwhelming feeling of being fucked, he's not sure, all he knows is he's getting close to coming.

Mac lets go of the door handle in an attempt to start jerking himself off, but Dennis growls at him not to move. Mac whines in protest and opens his eyes, looking at Dennis' reflection in the mirror but returning his hand to where it had been before.

“You're so good,” Dennis says quietly, “so good.” Dennis can never believe how amazing it feels to be balls deep in Mac, feeling him tense up, coming deep inside him. He likes blowing his load in Mac’s ass when they're just about to go somewhere, or even when they're already out somewhere and they have chance to sneak away. Just thinking about him walking around, talking to people, behaving completely normally, and only he and Dennis know that Dennis is still inside him, his DNA, his very essence, maybe running down between his thighs... Dennis did it once when he knew Mac was due to go out to confession. The thought of him sat, boxers sticky and uncomfortable, in that tiny booth, confessing his homo sins to a man sworn to celibacy and praying to a God Mac thinks would hate him if he knew what he truly was, made Dennis come harder than he had ever before. He often wondered if Mac had confessed that day what he had done not a half hour earlier, if he'd said hail Marys with Dennis’ jizz drying on his legs, if he'd spoken to God with the seed of his own demon soaking into the cotton of his shorts.

Dennis feels his balls tighten up at the thought, and he's coming hard, and he has to hold his breath to keep himself from crying out. He gives a few more half-hearted thrusts and then he's done, flopping back and pushing Mac off him.

“Did you come?” Dennis asks, fastening his trousers and reaching round Mac to splash water on his face. He needs to look less like he just fucked someone in the bathroom.

“No,” Mac says, “That's okay though. At least you win your bet.” He's still facing away and is resting his head against the cool plastic of the toilet door.

“You're goddamn right!” Dennis says triumphantly as Mac gets the door open. “It takes a better man than Frank to best Dennis Reynolds.” Mac exits the toilet and turns back to Dennis, who’s still sat in the same position. Mac smiles, but it looks kind of sad. Dennis is used to Mac turning into a pissy little bitch when they've had sex though, so he doesn't pay much attention.

“Now fuck off okay, I need to work out how I'm going to convince Frank I beat him without him knowing I had sex with you. You go ahead, I'll join you shortly.” And with that, Dennis shuts the door in his face, and Mac is alone.

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I welcome comments, criticism, just people saying hi; I am starved of affection! Tumblr is brownwithafrown.
> 
> Title is from 'Death' by White Lies.
> 
> #GetMacLaid2k19


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